LESSON 33

Define Your Relationship

Bible Reading: Genesis 29:15-20 (KJV)

MEMORY VERSE: Can two walk together, except they be agreed? – Amos 3:3 (KJV)

BIBLE PASSAGE: Genesis 29:15-20 (KJV)

15 And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be?

16 And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel.

17 Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured.

18 And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.

19 And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me.

20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.

INTRODUCTION: There are lots of breakups in premarital relationships because many of the relationships were accidental. Every relationship must be properly defined to avoid unnecessary hurts and enjoy peace of mind (Genesis 34:1-31). A normal and correct intentional premarital relationship/courtship, which is our focus in this lesson, must have marriage as a destination.

LESSON OUTLINES:

1. POINTERS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
2. BE INTENTIONAL

LESSON OUTLINE 1: POINTERS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

The Teacher should ask the class to mention what constitutes a healthy relationship that can lead to marriage.

A healthy relationship that leads to marriage should be built on core values. Some of these are:

1. The Right Opinion: It is important to have a clear understanding of the relationship dynamics.
2. Just because someone shows care, like visiting you or supporting you financially, does not mean you are in a courtship (Proverbs 23:7). Shared interests or working together does not automatically equate to compatibility for marriage. Always ask questions if you are unsure of someone’s intentions.
3. Honour: Honour yourself by making wise decisions. Do not force yourself into a relationship that is not right for you, especially if the other person is not equally interested (Proverbs 26). Respect your boundaries and values.
4. A Formal Proposal and Consent: Never assume you are engaged unless there has been a formal proposal and mutual consent (Genesis 24:48-51, 57-58). The proposal does not need to be extravagant; what matters is that it is clear and agreed upon by both parties.
5. Direction: A relationship should have a clear path with well-defined stages. The two parties should progress from one stage to the next in a healthy, intentional way. Do not wander aimlessly or just go along with the flow (Proverbs 29:18a; 1 Corinthians 14:40).
6. Accountability: A strong relationship involves mutual responsibility and transparency. Both individuals should be accountable to each other and be open in their communication and actions (Proverbs 10:9).
7. Peace: Peace is a key sign of a well-defined relationship. There should be no fear of the unknown or unnecessary suspense. If the relationship is clear in its intentions by moving toward courtship and eventually marriage, there will be a sense of calm and certainty (1 John 4:18).

CLASS ACTIVITY 1: Is it right for a lady to propose to a man or make her desire for a romantic relationship known to him if she perceives that the man is interested but does not have the confidence to communicate it?

LESSON OUTLINE 2: BE INTENTIONAL

A. To be deliberate in a relationship is to set clear timelines and goals, including when the marriage will be consummated.

1. A well-defined relationship must have a take-off point and a landing point (Genesis 24:51).
2. The relationship must be established and driven by a good and realistic vision (Proverbs 29:18).
3. The bond must be purposeful and not a game of chance.
4. A clear-cut relationship stands firm even when challenges arise just as Jacob persevered until he married Rachel (Genesis 29:20-28; Proverbs 12:3).

B. It must be built on a godly foundation with the partners seeking guidance from God throughout the process (Genesis 24:12-14).

1. Necessary boundaries must be set during the courtship to guide the would-be couples on the ‘dos and don’ts of the relationship.
2. Since the two parties are not legally married, they must abstain from premarital sex and other sexual vices (Hebrews 13:4).
3. Truthfulness must be intentionally exhibited by the two parties in the relationship.

CLASS ACTIVITY 2: What are the determining factors to be considered before thinking about a romantic relationship/marriage with the opposite gender?

CONCLUSION: Do not leave your relationship to chance, define it and have a direction for where you are heading.

QUESTIONS:

1. What are the pointers of an unhealthy relationship?
2. Mention four ways to be intentional in your relationship

FURTHER READINGS:

Sunday: Genesis 29:15-20

Monday: Genesis 34:1-31

Tuesday: Ruth 2:7-12

Wednesday: Ruth 3:12-13

Thursday: Genesis 24:48-58

Friday: Hebrews 13:4

Saturday: Genesis 29:20-28