LESSON 35

Parenting Styles (Part 1)

Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 2:22-25,29 (KJV)

BIBLE PASSAGE: 1 Samuel 2:22-25,29 (KJV)

1 Samuel 2:22-25
22 Now Eli was very old, and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel; and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

23 And he said unto them, Why do ye such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this people.

24 Nay, my sons; for it is no good report that I hear: ye make the Lord’s people to transgress.

25 If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him: but if a man sin against the Lord, who shall intreat for him? Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the Lord would slay them.

1 Samuel 2:29
29 Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me, to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings of Israel my people?

INTRODUCTION: A parent is a person who is responsible for the care, upbringing and well-being of a child. He/she can be biological, legal or custodian. Some parents are firm, while others are indulgent. Some are attentive, while others are absent-minded.

As a Christian parent, raising your children to please God and thrive in life is a big responsibility. Understanding various parenting styles through the degrees of “responsiveness” (the extent to which parents are warm and sensitive to their children) and “demandingness” (the extent of control parents put on their children) is crucial.

LESSON OUTLINES

1. ⁠PERMISSIVE AND UNINVOLVED
2. AUTHORITARIAN AND AUTHORITATIVE

1. PERMISSIVE AND UNINVOLVED

A. Permissive parents are high in “responsiveness/love” but low in “demandingness/discipline.”

1. They communicate openly and usually let their children decide for themselves, rather than give direction (1 Samuel 2:22-24).
2. Rules and expectations are either not set or rarely enforced (1 Samuel 3:13).
3. They give in to their children’s demands to make them happy and avoid conflicts, even at their own expense (Luke 15:12).

RESULT: Delinquent behaviours and the inability to make the right decisions are traits common under permissive parenting. However, it has the potential to increase self-esteem and creativity in children.

B. Neglectful/Uninvolved parents are low in “responsiveness/love” and low in “demandingness/discipline.”

1. They usually let their children fend for themselves, perhaps because they are indifferent to their needs.
2. They offer zero guidance and correction (1 Kings 1:5-6).
3. They find it difficult to form close relationships as a result of personal experience, stress, etc. (1 Samuel 16:10-11; 2 Samuel 14:28).
4. They are also cold (but not always intentional) as they often struggle with their issues.

RESULT: Children from neglectful parents tend to be self-dependent while they exhibit truancy, emotional withdrawal and the fear of becoming dependent on others (Proverbs 29:15).

2. AUTHORITARIAN AND AUTHORITATIVE

A. Authoritarian parents are high in “demandingness/discipline” but low in “responsiveness/love.”

1. They enforce strict rules with little consideration of their children’s socio-emotional needs.
2. In an attempt to be in control, authoritarian parents often talk to their children without expecting feedback.
3. Their rigid parenting style uses harsh discipline, justified as “tough love” (1 Samuel 20:30).

RESULT: Low self-esteem, depression, aggression and poor social skills are common traits in these children, although they may show signs of discipline and respect for authority.

B. Authoritative parents are high in “responsiveness/love” and high in “demandingness/discipline.”

1. They set clear rules and expectations for their children while they practice flexibility and understanding.
2. They communicate frequently; they listen to and take into consideration their children’s thoughts, feelings and opinions (Genesis 22:7-8).
3. They allow natural consequences to occur, especially for wrong-doings but use those opportunities to help their children reflect and learn.
4. Authoritative parents nurture, support and are in tune with their children’s needs (Ephesians 6:4).
5. They guide them through open and honest discussions to teach values and reasoning (Proverbs 22:6).

RESULTS:

1. Children who have authoritative parents tend to be self-disciplined, socially competent and can think for themselves (e.g., Mordecai and Esther, Naomi and Ruth).
2. Their chances of displaying negative traits common in children trained by authoritarian, permissive or uninvolved parents are usually very low.

CONCLUSION: Understand that your parenting style will greatly affect your children’s lives.

QUESTIONS:

1. Identify one weakness of each of the permis-sive and uninvolved parents.
2. State three strengths of authoritative parents.

FURTHER READINGS:

Sunday: Proverbs 22:6

Monday: Genesis 22:7-8

Tuesday: Ephesians 6:4

Wednesday: 1 Samuel 20:30

Thursday: 1 Samuel 16:10-11

Friday: 1 Kings 1:5-6

Saturday: Proverbs 23:13-14

ASSIGNMENT: Mention five possible defects in children of authoritarian parents (2×5=10 Marks)